Pushing Buttons

11:00pm- Thursday

I’m sitting at Bangkok International Airport waiting for my connecting flight back to London. I’m tired, bloated, dehydrated and extremely grumpy. I’m sitting on a big line of seats that are all connected- and the damn thing is wonky. Must be that one of the legs is shorter on one side. There’s probably about 5 people all up- scattered across the row….but its just one person in particular that’s really giving me the shits.

He’s about 60- and he keeps f%@king rocking back and fourth on the seat. He’s leaning forward and scrummaging through his duty free shopping bags, leaning back to look out over the observation deck, leaning forward again to tie up his shoelace, then back again to have another look. E-V-E-R-Y-T-I-M-E he moves, the WHOLE ROW OF SEATS travel with him… which means so do we. Perhaps he’s got a nasty case of thread-worm and finds the concept of ‘sitting still’ rather testing?

Is he stupid? Is he completely unaware how intensely annoying this is? Given my current state of mood- I’ve decided his behaviour warrants a response. I’m toying with the idea of two potential courses of action…

A)    Politely stroll up to him…lean forward with a warm smile on my face…then scream in his face “FOR FUCKS SAKE SIT STILL” ……..or………

B)    Stand-up, grab the end of the seat, then violently shake it until him, his luggage, and everyone else falls to the floor.

To make matters even worse- he’s just started whistling in a jovial fashion. I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him.